Are Good Speakers “Naturally Gifted?”

Feb 152018
 

  • Good speakers are born that way.

  • Being shy will prevent you from being a confident speaker.

  • You need to have a theatrical flair to capture an audience’s attention

If you believe any of these statements, you’ll be relieved to know that these are merely generalizations. 

Being able to translate one’s thoughts into words and then speak phrases and sentences in a way that communicates effectively with other people is actually an astounding skill that only humans possess.  While birds may sing and dolphins emit sounds to their peers, only humans have the range and fluency we know as verbal communication.

But with this unique skill comes a range of abilities based on genes, nurture and practice.  Some individuals are truly gifted, captivating speakers: Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King are known for their extraordinary speaking skills.  But for most people, early nurturing in storytelling families, practice in school and coaching are the keys to becoming a good speaker.

Can inherently shy individuals become good speakers?  There’s no reason people can’t prepare their thoughts and practice a presentation or the dialogue they can use when called upon to speak. Jessica Chastain, Lady Gaga, James Lipton, to name a few, consider themselves “shy” or “introverted” by nature. But that hasn’t stopped them from rising to the top of their professions as actor, singer, interviewer.

Practice in storytelling, even at the earliest ages, primes children to express their thoughts and experiences.  Even as adults, we enjoy a speaker who tells a story using natural speech melody, expression and body language.

You can achieve confidence as a speaker by learning the tools of “dialogue” to capture the interest of another person or many people and make any speaking situation a “give and take” process.

Too many people view public speaking as theater, yet most trained actors and accomplished speakers will tell you they learned the techniques of speaking in public despite their shyness, and in some cases, articulation or fluency difficulties. Consider this little known fact: Marilyn Monroe’s breathy voice was her technique for coping with a stuttering disorder.

Young children can be nurtured to become good speakers in their families and in school, while teenagers and adults can develop the “art” of speaking and gain confidence by coaching and practice.  

Great speakers are taught, not necessarily born that way!

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Check back soon for more articles on effective speaking, writing, executive function skills and speech-language pathology.

 

What You Mean Is In Your Eyes, Not Only In Your Words

Apr 252017
 

“The eyes are the window of the soul.” Old English proverb.

Beyond the power of words, the way you speak conveys what you mean.  In the face to face conversations between human beings, the eyes and facial expression transmit at least half of the message.  A person’s eyes communicate interest, care, anger, distrust, sincerity and a host of other mental states.

In the age of email and texts, so much of the potential for direct human exchange has been diluted.  The opportunity of establishing dialogue between individuals diminishes when so much interaction takes places electronically.  While opportunity may diminish, the importance does not.

Why is it important to establish dialogue?

When people speak to each other face to face, an expectation exists that one person wants to convey information and establish rapport.  From the mundane activities of daily life to professional interactions, speaking effectively to someone else requires establishing a direct connection to an individual, a dialogue.

How important are the eyes in dialogue?

When we speak with someone our first instinct is to look at the other person’s eyes.  Interest, mood, trustworthiness are some of the key features signaled by an individual’s eyes.  Maintaining eye contact remains one of the universal fundamentals in establishing a relationship, whether meeting someone for the first time, interviewing for a job, or making a presentation.

What else besides the eyes is important? 

We convey information about ourselves through facial expressions, body language and vocal features.  How we say our words communicates almost as much as what we say.  People expect to be “spoken to, not at.”  Sometimes more meaning is conveyed in face to face interactions by how someone speaks, rather than the words spoken.

Can we lose the ability to speak to other people?

As a society, can we evolve to becoming poor communicators? With limited practice and opportunity, many teenagers and young adults today are less comfortable and capable of speaking with others, especially adults. 

In my practice I have worked with students who think they interact well with their peers but have little skill in interviewing for jobs or presenting themselves in an articulate, mature manner.  The first skill they need to learn is the importance of looking at another individual in order to create dialogue.

When we speak to people, if we want to express truth, sincerity and concern, we need to remember that we speak through the eyes as much as the mouth.

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Check back soon for more articles on communication, speech pathology, executive function and writing skills.

 

 

 

 

 

The Scattered Student: Is the Mess on the Floor the Real Problem?

Aug 082013
 

Books, papers, electronics strewn across the desk, clothes on the floor, room like a danger zone…  Does it mean anything?

If your middle school or high school student lives in a state of disarray, frequently forgetting papers or textbooks in the school locker, or the finished assignment on the kitchen table, disorganization might be indicative of a problem that’s more than adolescent carelessness.

Executive functioning involves the management of oneself or one’s resources to achieve a goal.  It consists of behavioral skills that impact on mental control and self regulation.  To some degree the external organization of our possessions can reflect the internal management of our thinking.

When a student has difficulty keeping track of his or her belongings — books, papers, clothes, money, keys, cell phone, clothing — the cause may not be solely adolescent sloppiness.   For some students, just getting through the day may be a reflection of a larger problem of self monitoring and self regulation.

Is this always the case?  Not necessarily.  Some students, some adults for that matter, aren’t neat and organized.  But when a student has difficulty in planning tasks, allocating sufficient time for assignments, organizing his or her life to achieve required goals, the external disorganization might be a clue to what’s going on mentally.

Dealing effectively with deadlines, time requirements, and mental transitions requires a set of skills that must begin during childhood and mature with age.  The development of strong executive functioning carries over for success later in life.

Can a parent fix the problem?  Assisting with organization and planning skills can be valuable but parents often end up doing too much and the student may not develop the skills required for independent thinking.   Intervention with a professional skilled in cognitive training may be a more effective way to help your student develop a set of critical life skills.

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Check back next week for more thoughts on executive function skills, speech and communications